So here’s the deal. It’s spring time, I have no job, no prospects what so ever (even George Costanza at least had the morning paper). A few weeks ago I go to see The Ergs! at Maxwell’s (and sell some CD’s to come up with the few bucks for the door), and while I’m watching them play their hearts out to about ten people, I’m thinking about just how much they’re a modern day version of everyone from “Our Band Could Be Your Life”. Afterwards we’re talking, and I mention how awesome it’ll be when The Modern Machines come around in a few weeks. The next thing I know, I’m in line to ride along for a few days, for the entire week long tour. Like a mule with a spinning wheel, damned if I know how it I got it, but if nothing, I’m going to enjoy it.
On The Road with The Ergs!
Day 1: Tommy’s Tavern, Brooklyn NY
After a two hour train ride, I meet up with Joe Erg, load the last of the stuff into the van, and pick up everyone else that’s riding with us to the first show of the week. We stop at a Wawa on the way to get something to eat, and unhealthily large sodas. There’s a bit of a delay getting to Brooklyn, but we figure out the way and finally arrive (Bill Florio’s take on it is officially “Now you know what it’s like trying to find my way around New Jersey!”). I’ve never been here before, but for the time being, Tommy’s seems like a normal bar that local punks hang out at, though maybe it’s just the fact there’s a show tonight. There’s four bands tonight, the first one being Gloryhole. I missed most of their set from loading in equipment, but I caught a Ramones cover at the end.
The Shemps play tonight, making this one of the best lineups of the whole week. I wanted to make sure I was up front, to which the general reaction from everyone else was “Dude, you NEVER want to be up front at a Shemps show”, where as my argument was “Dude, you’ve GOT to be up front at a Shemps show – like a rollercoaster!” The Shemps are great, because they’re legitimately shocking, without resorting to yelling out slogans like “hey, we hate the exact same people you and everyone else hates”, or “I’m going to cut myself and drink my own body fluids even though I secretly think it’s gross, but it looks way tough”. Even more importantly, they play some great punk/garage songs. They play their set, and do their thing, meaning Artie ran around the room, and into the bar room, grabbed other peoples clothes, told a girl she had a “nice rack”, took off his shirt, and grabbed my crotch. All in all, it was everything you’d expect.
Ergs! records and shirts have been put out at this point, so I step out to watch over them, so the Ergs! themselves can watch the Modern Machines set. The whole place is so small that I can hear everything perfectly anyway, so I can deal with only being able to hear for the first night. They start off by playing the first few songs off their Taco Blessing record, and I can tell that this is going to be a great couple of days. There are a few covers thrown in as well, including “Rosa” by Fleshies, “Saturday Night Crap-O-Rama” by The Ergs!, and “Hürtin’ Crüe” by Descendents, having Mike Erg join them to sing it. NOW I’m starting to wish I was seeing it, and not just hearing it.
Jeff Erg’s lady friend Melissa is with us tonight, so the two of us decide she’ll watch over the goods while I tape the set tonight (something tells me she’s already seen The Ergs! at least a few times by now). People were starting to leave, on account that it was getting late, but I went in and snuck behind the sound person booth, figuring it was ok since no one else was there. They open up with “Throttle Boy”, and I’m already excited, and they go on to play “Ashley Sugarnotch”, “Smoke on the Water”, and keep going for a good 40 minutes. I keep thinking to myself “this week is going to be awesome”.
As everything starts to die down afterwards, we load everything back out into the van. We come to find out that the Modern Machines lead guitar player Ben has quit, but not after smashing both his guitar and amp in the middle of the street – yikes. Ben is not only the third Modern Machines lead guitar player, but the third Modern Machines player named Ben. Seriously. It’s already an interesting week, and it’s still the first night, and we still haven’t even left the tri-state area yet. On the way home, everyone trades stories of shows they’ve been to over the years, with Mike having one of the best; seeing a certain ska-punk band whose name will be withheld during high school, and watching one of the members of said ska-punk band hit on a girl, hearing “Uh, I’m 14”, with Mike going “OUCH!”
Day 2: The Parlor, New Brunswick NJ
There’s debate that I’m not actually on tour yet. I make the argument that I am, since I’m still technically a two hour train ride from home, not to mention that I’ve already slept on a couch. There isn’t much to do during the day, so I tag along with Joe while he takes care of some band related chores that only a nerd like me would find interesting to tag along with. It’s still a little early once everything is finished, so we go back to his house and realize that The Jerk is on, and debate skipping the show to watch the rest of it.
The show doesn’t have a huge turnout, but it’s still not bad considering it’s a Wednesday night, during finals week, in a college town. I’d heard about literally a million different bands being the opener (including Hunchback, who sadly didn’t play), and it ends up being The Measure, who I’ve never seen before, but are good – very Sticks and Stones-esque, with influence from a bunch of other weird bands (but bands that are cool BECAUSE they’re weird like that).
Both Modern Machines and Ergs! completely blow their sets from last night out of the water. First, the Modern Machines keep trying some of their newer songs (that happen to be really, really dependent on having a second guitar), and they still pull them off. Maybe now people will start saying they sound like The Jam, instead of The Replacements all the time. The Ergs! finish up, and at one point play their entire new record, Jerseys Best Prancers, in order, as well as a bunch of other random covers as per request of the crowd. After the show is over, I eat some pizza on the sidewalk. Talk about a good night!
Day 3: The Circle Thrift, Philadelphia PA
The other night when we were driving to the show, everyone’s quoting Dirty Work, when I ask “Hey guys, I’ve never actually seen Dirty Work. That’s ok, right?” Needless to say, it wasn’t, and Joe wakes me up off his couch this morning so we can watch it. Again, we’ve got time, so we end up watching a bunch of episodes of the Ben Stiller Show, and The Young Ones (yes, all of this is important). By late afternoon, we gather everyone together, stock up on more 32 ounce sodas, and head down to Philadelphia. Hooray! Tour!
The last time I was in Philadelphia, I got kicked in the head and ended up waiting for three hours in the bus station, so I’m hoping things go a little better this time. Tonight’s show is being held in a loft above a thrift store. It’s being put on by a fellow named Toshi, who I believe came to America from Japan, and immediately started putting on shows - Nice! I’ll point out now that for this whole week, there isn’t one show to be held in a “real” club, the closest thing being Tommy’s Tavern in Brooklyn. Some people may not understand the appeal, but I think this is incredibly awesome. So meanwhile, the bands meticulously search through records, and I find a red sweater I can use to wear while playing with Lost Locker Combo. There’s a decent amount of time before the show, so we do some brief site seeing, including a local record label/screen printer office, and a cute little café. Quote of the day goes to Modern Machine bass player Danny Zaj, while we’re confronted by an old man wearing a tight t-shirt, cut off jean shorts, and flip flops;
Old man: What’s going on here, some rock music or somethin’?
Crowd: Yeah, some bands are going to play.
Old man: What, like heavy metal or something?
Crowd: Mostly just pop-punk, the Ergs! can probably play some metal though.
Old man: Does it cost any money to get in?
Crowd: We think so, probably a few bucks.
Old man: Damn it… … Well, what if you’re a better guitar player than the bands playing, then can you get in for free?
Danny: NOT BLOODY LIKELY!
Needless to say, old man is not happy about hearing this.
There’s actually big tables to put the merch out tonight, so I finally put out copies of a zine I did (Quick back-story: I do a zine, and rushed to get a new issue done, to have copies to give away while on tour – which I proceeded to do, for about two nights altogether). A few people are interested, pick up copies, and start reading right next to me. I am nervous. Modern Machines go on first, and they throw in a Radio Birdman cover. I’m realizing just how diverse the sets have been so far, different songs and orders every night. It makes me that much more psyched to be able to be here for the week.
Next up is a band from south Jersey called Farcial Hoodwink. They’re not bad, sounding like they’ve graduated from the “Dillinger Four school of wise ass song titles”, with a little less distortion. Ergs! finish out the night, and I’ve decided that instead of saying “they were great”, I’m not going to point out the highlights of every night, like the kind of stuff that you don’t see at every single show. This time, it’s hearing some new songs from the next record that haven’t been played much yet (“Like Jazz It Teh New Coke” [sic]), as well as “Rod Argent”, a cover of “One Of My Lies”, and by the end Nato Paisano of the Modern Machines joins on vocals for “Everything Falls Apart”. Afterwards we stay with our friend Jackie O who is nice enough to put us up for the night, and we walk approximately 235 miles (each way) to the nearest diner before going to sleep.
Day 4: Charm City Arts Space, Baltimore
As we get ready to leave for today’s drive, Joe gets a call and finds out that the CD copies of their newest record, Jerseys Best Prancers, will be arriving at his house tomorrow. We have managed to leave for tour just in time to miss picking up the new record. Hooray! From here on, I’ve never been to any of the places we’re going before, aside from bus stations in the middle of the night, which really doesn’t count anyway. I’ve also never been to Waffle House before, which we remedy on this trip.
We get to Baltimore early enough to go record shopping, at Reptilian, and Sound Exchange. All I buy is the Armalite record, but all three Ergs pretty much scour both, looking for pretty much anything they can find. I think more money is spent on records today then will be spent on gas the entire trip (and tomorrow’s show is at a record store, yeeesh). Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel run down as we walk around the city, and it’s only been about three days so far. I’m really wondering how these dudes (both Ergs! and Modern Machines) are able to do this so much, for so long. After killing some time (and in my case, subconsciously trying to rest) in a café (which for some reason, has guitars just lying around?), we finally head over to the show.
After load in, I walk with Mike and Jeff to a McDonalds to get a quick dinner. I haven’t eaten at a McDonalds in a really long time, and wasn’t all psyched to be eating there, but barring the circumstances I suck it up for now. From our table, I notice a store across the street that appears to sell (and please forgive me if I butcher any of this, for I am, in fact, uncultured swine) Middle Eastern women’s apparel, such as burkas, or the outfits that are meant to cover up the entire woman’s body. Said store also appears to be called something like “Modern Modesty”, and the whole thing makes me a little uncomfortable.
At the show, the first band tonight is local and called Active Sac. The good news is that I’ve been told by my traveling partners that they have a huge ALL influence. The bad news is that the bands are playing downstairs; meanwhile I’m watching the merch, which tonight, is upstairs. Bummer. Considering that we’re not exactly in a huge place, and I can still hear everything fine, AND read through some of the magazines they’ve got their (tons of old MRR, Razorcake, Punk Planet, you name it), I won’t complain. From what I can tell, Active Sac DO have quiet the ALL influence too them, and are pretty good (it’s harder to judge in a case like this though, when you’ve never actually heard the band before).
In between, I talk to a bunch of really nice people, more people pick up copies of my zine Button Masher as well. Someone even gave me a free can of Dr. Pop! The Modern Machines start playing, and I can tell that it’s a great set. Nato dedicates “Zero Kid” to “our lovely roadie Megan, and The Ergs!’s lovely roadie Joe!”, and I proceed to swoon. Ergs! finish out the night again, and tonight’s highlights include “Johnny Reznik Needs His Ass Kicked”, “Country Skronk”, “Vampire Party” (sung by Danny Zaj of the Modern Machines), a cover of “‘Ay Paisano!”, and “Ben Kweller”. While I was talking with the locals, there was one in particular who we got along with great over our love of video games. Turns out we end up staying at his house for tonight. Now, first we watch the Ultimate Warrior DVD, as well as the “SNL Best Of: Christopher Walken” collection, when Aaron, our host says “There’s a SuperNintendo upstairs, someone can play Mario Kart if they want”. So a few of us go upstairs, and proceed to find a WALL of Nintendo games. The dude has not one but MULTIPLE FAMICONS, as in the Japanese Nintendo systems! AND he’s got games for them! (mental note: I MUST GO TO THIS HOUSE AGAIN) I am freaking out. Even though I’m feeling pretty bad at this point, I stay up to compete in Bomberman 2 matches with Jeff, Nato and Danny before finally going to sleep way later than I should be. On the one hand, I physically feel terrible. But on the inside, I can’t believe I’m sitting around in Baltimore suburb, playing video games with two of my favorite bands.
Day 5: Chaz’s Bull City Records, Durham NC
Ouch, I’m starting to hurt today. I’m way stuffier, and my throat is sore too. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I actually drank. The travel arrangements are a little different today, Jeff and Nato are switching vans (there’s a possibility that the Modern Machines may stop in Washington DC on the way down, and Nato doesn’t want to risk getting into arguments with any senators). We stop at a Waffle House on the way down, and it’s here that we get the idea for a future prank (which I’ll cover once we get to it).
The way the tour goes, we’re driving all the way down to North Carolina today, so we can stop in Virginia on the way back home. Normally I don’t mind the drives, but today really sucks. My nose will not stop running, and we’re trying to save the last packet of tissues we have, so I pretty much either use my hands, or just let my nose run for about half an hour at a time. I’m feeling slightly better by the time we find Bull City Records, but just enough to buy some more records, and use about half of their supply of toilet paper to blow my nose. The cool part is that Bull City is a really great record store – it’s only a small place, but they’ve managed to arrange it so that there’s a LOT of stuff. And there are essentially three sections: CD’s, vinyl, and local/free stuff. Other than that, everything is organized alphabetically, no matter what the genre. This combined with the fact that the owner Chaz puts on shows officially makes this a worthy place to visit.
Of course, The Ergs! have friends nearby, so we go to visit them, but at the moment, I pretty much barely have any idea what’s going on. Oh well. By the time we come back, everyone else is there, as well as more locals hanging out. You know what would be awesome right now? Hanging out with The Modern Machines? Nope. Meeting some new people? Nope. Lying down on the couch in the back room? Sure. I pay attention to the beginning of the show, a local fellow who’s doing solo covers of old punk songs. Nice touch to start everything off. The next band is the Street Sharks, who are a thrash band, and I don’t want to be touched by anyone so I go back to lye down on the couch. However, I make it a point to run over to where all the equipment is being stored, (on the way I see Street Sharks – awesome thrash, but I made the right choice to avoid getting knocked over by anyone) before The Ergs! play.
Now, remember the prank mentioned before? Here’s the deal: Jeff Erg hates mayonnaise. HATES it. When we eat at Waffle House earlier today, our party happens to be presented with two packets of mayonnaise. It is decided that said packets are to be placed inside Jeff’s box of cords and other equipment without his knowledge, waiting for him until he opens it just before their set. Mike and I are waiting in anticipation. He picks it up. “Hey, what’s with my box…” He opens it.
“MAYONAISE.”
Wowee zowee, you’ve just been pranked! The look on his face – classic!
When they actually get ready to start, there’re some major problems with the PA. So in the meantime, they pull out about 10 minutes worth of jazz covers, the only specific one I catch is by Thelonious Monk. I still really don’t want anyone bumping into me, but I really want to watch their set tonight, so I stake out a little spot in the corner behind them. However, people aren’t moving around too much (despite a thrash heavy set), so I start to feel pretty stupid. At one point in the set, Jeff breaks a string mid song, manages to tell me mid song, and I’m able to run over and get another guitar by the end of the song. I feel somewhat important. Sick, but somewhat important.
Modern Machines go on next, and people seem to be really enjoying them, which is really cool. Not only do they pull the Descendents cover again, but with the relaxed feeling to the show, also throw in “Jealous Again”. People are cheering for a more songs, so they just do a bunch of covers, and everyone loves it. One kid is hanging from florescent light fixtures, trying to kick open the ceiling. I’m reminded of the David Cross bit, “Hey, you know what would be perfect right now? To fuck up the show for EVERYBODY!”
There’s one more band, but I don’t feel good enough to pretend that I care anymore. I’m sitting on the floor, minding the merch. I sell a few odd shirts and CD’s to some people, including one younger fellow who’s really happy to have a show like this come to town. He reminds me of myself in high school, and it makes happy hearing someone like that they want to go start their own band and do other stuff now. At one point after the show, we’re driving to wherever it is we’re staying, and all I can think of is how bad I feel right now. I look out the window, and see people sleeping on the ground as bus stops, and realize that I’m riding along with punk bands, complaining about a cold. Now I just feel like a jerk. I realize it’s really not so bad all things considered, I just wish I was feeling better to hang out with everyone since this is only for a week.
Day 6: Bartley’s House, Charlottesville VA
I’m starting to feel better today, after waking up in a living room on a pile of mattress cushions amongst another pile of tissues. I pretty much just stand around before we leave, but not before I watch in horror as Joe eats cold leftover chicken for breakfast. Then again, we stop at a Wendy’s for a quick lunch (technically breakfast, in my case), and he’s also the one who orders the “Carolina burger”, which has something that looks like chili, cole slaw, and who knows what else on it. I’m still a little out of it, but I’m still really enjoying all of this.
It’s a decent drive to today’s show, which was originally supposed to be in Richmond, but it fell through. Picking up the slack is a Mr. Bartley, of the Stabones, who put on a barbeque so we could play there. It’s a fairly early show, so we’re doing everything we can to make it over in time. Sometime along the way, we finally get in touch with the Modern Machines, for a conversation that goes a little something like this:
Modern Machines: Hey guys what’s up?
Ergs: Nothing really, we just wanted to see how you were doing, and if you think you’ll be ok getting on the show, since it’s early.
Modern Machines: Early? How early?
Ergs: Four…
Modern Machines: Uh oh….
Ergs: Why, where are you now?
Modern Machines: Durham.
So we get to the show, and are greeted by our host. Mike and I (and someone else, who I think was one of the Pink Razors) walk down to a convenience store to get some sodas, where they also sell pickled pigs feet, and crack pipes. We come back and The Ergs! start their set shortly afterwards. There’d been talk of having to do a karaoke set, since Mike’s been losing his voice, but everything’s just fine. The tour is almost over, so I’m just standing there, watching the last sets of the week. Best of all, I’m actually feeling a lot better, as if the show is help curing everything. “Sinuses clearing! Sore throat disappearing! Acne – still there. But sore throat disappearing!”
There’s a decent amount of people hanging out for a basement show/back yard party, and I’d try to talk to people but I still feel a little run down, so I stick to watching bands. Pink Razors are next, the best descriptions I’ve heard of them involve Screeching Weasel and Dillinger Four, and considering there was a cover of What We Hate, I think it’s a fair assessment. Shortly after starting, the Modern Machines finally arrive, just in time to catch the bulk of the set. There’s another band on in between, but we all pretty much hang out in the backyard. Danny is writing out set lists, and is nice enough to take my request for Unequipped. I’m all excited for their set, but a weird excited. On the one hand, it’s another time I get to see the Modern Machines, but on the other, tour is pretty much over after this, which is kind of a bummer. But screw that, as long as I don’t fall into the unexplainable hole that I’m standing next to in this crowded basement, I’m enjoying this as much as possible.
It’s starting to get a bit late by now, and unfortunately, we need to hit the road. It sucks that we have to miss our host’s band, The Stabones, but we figure if we don’t start out six hour drive home now, we’ll never start it. We say our goodbyes, and discounting a stop at Waffle House for a celebratory dinner (where it turns out they actually didn’t lose money on this tour! Hooray!), we head home. It may not seem like it’s that hard just to ride back home, but it’s tougher than you’d think. I start to pass out at times, and hallucinate, thoroughly convinced that Mike is a box of tissues. By the time we get back, drop off everyone else and make it back to Joe’s house, it’s after 4 AM. I’m getting my stuff out of the van, and before I can even finish he’s already inside. Right as I’m about to walk in, I hear him say “They’re here”, as we decide to put off sleep for a few more minutes to open the first boxes of Jerseys Best Prancers on CD. We take a copy out, admiring how great it looks, when Joe hands it to me. “Here’s for a good job roadie!”
All in all, tour was pretty awesome. And I get paid for it, in the form of an awesome record.
Tour was awesome.
On the way home.
It’s weird, there was a fair amount of time towards the end of the week where I really wanted to be back at home. Yet, I’m on a train back home, haven’t not been able to shower in days (helps you get a seat to yourself, that’s for sure), and now I’m just depressed that there’s no show tonight. I’ve said it more than enough, but tour was great. It may be over, but having practically lived in a van and out of a backpack for a few days, you get a new perspective on things. It sucks to be back in a town with nothing to do, but it’s nice to be sleeping in a bed tonight. If nothing else, I may not be coming home to much, but for a few days I had the greatest job in the world.
Thanks to everyone who put on the shows, gave us a place to sleep, and came out, said hello, and helped make crazy stuff like this possible.
On The Road with The Ergs!
Day 1: Tommy’s Tavern, Brooklyn NY
After a two hour train ride, I meet up with Joe Erg, load the last of the stuff into the van, and pick up everyone else that’s riding with us to the first show of the week. We stop at a Wawa on the way to get something to eat, and unhealthily large sodas. There’s a bit of a delay getting to Brooklyn, but we figure out the way and finally arrive (Bill Florio’s take on it is officially “Now you know what it’s like trying to find my way around New Jersey!”). I’ve never been here before, but for the time being, Tommy’s seems like a normal bar that local punks hang out at, though maybe it’s just the fact there’s a show tonight. There’s four bands tonight, the first one being Gloryhole. I missed most of their set from loading in equipment, but I caught a Ramones cover at the end.
The Shemps play tonight, making this one of the best lineups of the whole week. I wanted to make sure I was up front, to which the general reaction from everyone else was “Dude, you NEVER want to be up front at a Shemps show”, where as my argument was “Dude, you’ve GOT to be up front at a Shemps show – like a rollercoaster!” The Shemps are great, because they’re legitimately shocking, without resorting to yelling out slogans like “hey, we hate the exact same people you and everyone else hates”, or “I’m going to cut myself and drink my own body fluids even though I secretly think it’s gross, but it looks way tough”. Even more importantly, they play some great punk/garage songs. They play their set, and do their thing, meaning Artie ran around the room, and into the bar room, grabbed other peoples clothes, told a girl she had a “nice rack”, took off his shirt, and grabbed my crotch. All in all, it was everything you’d expect.Ergs! records and shirts have been put out at this point, so I step out to watch over them, so the Ergs! themselves can watch the Modern Machines set. The whole place is so small that I can hear everything perfectly anyway, so I can deal with only being able to hear for the first night. They start off by playing the first few songs off their Taco Blessing record, and I can tell that this is going to be a great couple of days. There are a few covers thrown in as well, including “Rosa” by Fleshies, “Saturday Night Crap-O-Rama” by The Ergs!, and “Hürtin’ Crüe” by Descendents, having Mike Erg join them to sing it. NOW I’m starting to wish I was seeing it, and not just hearing it.
Jeff Erg’s lady friend Melissa is with us tonight, so the two of us decide she’ll watch over the goods while I tape the set tonight (something tells me she’s already seen The Ergs! at least a few times by now). People were starting to leave, on account that it was getting late, but I went in and snuck behind the sound person booth, figuring it was ok since no one else was there. They open up with “Throttle Boy”, and I’m already excited, and they go on to play “Ashley Sugarnotch”, “Smoke on the Water”, and keep going for a good 40 minutes. I keep thinking to myself “this week is going to be awesome”.
As everything starts to die down afterwards, we load everything back out into the van. We come to find out that the Modern Machines lead guitar player Ben has quit, but not after smashing both his guitar and amp in the middle of the street – yikes. Ben is not only the third Modern Machines lead guitar player, but the third Modern Machines player named Ben. Seriously. It’s already an interesting week, and it’s still the first night, and we still haven’t even left the tri-state area yet. On the way home, everyone trades stories of shows they’ve been to over the years, with Mike having one of the best; seeing a certain ska-punk band whose name will be withheld during high school, and watching one of the members of said ska-punk band hit on a girl, hearing “Uh, I’m 14”, with Mike going “OUCH!”
Day 2: The Parlor, New Brunswick NJ
There’s debate that I’m not actually on tour yet. I make the argument that I am, since I’m still technically a two hour train ride from home, not to mention that I’ve already slept on a couch. There isn’t much to do during the day, so I tag along with Joe while he takes care of some band related chores that only a nerd like me would find interesting to tag along with. It’s still a little early once everything is finished, so we go back to his house and realize that The Jerk is on, and debate skipping the show to watch the rest of it.
The show doesn’t have a huge turnout, but it’s still not bad considering it’s a Wednesday night, during finals week, in a college town. I’d heard about literally a million different bands being the opener (including Hunchback, who sadly didn’t play), and it ends up being The Measure, who I’ve never seen before, but are good – very Sticks and Stones-esque, with influence from a bunch of other weird bands (but bands that are cool BECAUSE they’re weird like that).
Both Modern Machines and Ergs! completely blow their sets from last night out of the water. First, the Modern Machines keep trying some of their newer songs (that happen to be really, really dependent on having a second guitar), and they still pull them off. Maybe now people will start saying they sound like The Jam, instead of The Replacements all the time. The Ergs! finish up, and at one point play their entire new record, Jerseys Best Prancers, in order, as well as a bunch of other random covers as per request of the crowd. After the show is over, I eat some pizza on the sidewalk. Talk about a good night!Day 3: The Circle Thrift, Philadelphia PAThe other night when we were driving to the show, everyone’s quoting Dirty Work, when I ask “Hey guys, I’ve never actually seen Dirty Work. That’s ok, right?” Needless to say, it wasn’t, and Joe wakes me up off his couch this morning so we can watch it. Again, we’ve got time, so we end up watching a bunch of episodes of the Ben Stiller Show, and The Young Ones (yes, all of this is important). By late afternoon, we gather everyone together, stock up on more 32 ounce sodas, and head down to Philadelphia. Hooray! Tour!
The last time I was in Philadelphia, I got kicked in the head and ended up waiting for three hours in the bus station, so I’m hoping things go a little better this time. Tonight’s show is being held in a loft above a thrift store. It’s being put on by a fellow named Toshi, who I believe came to America from Japan, and immediately started putting on shows - Nice! I’ll point out now that for this whole week, there isn’t one show to be held in a “real” club, the closest thing being Tommy’s Tavern in Brooklyn. Some people may not understand the appeal, but I think this is incredibly awesome. So meanwhile, the bands meticulously search through records, and I find a red sweater I can use to wear while playing with Lost Locker Combo. There’s a decent amount of time before the show, so we do some brief site seeing, including a local record label/screen printer office, and a cute little café. Quote of the day goes to Modern Machine bass player Danny Zaj, while we’re confronted by an old man wearing a tight t-shirt, cut off jean shorts, and flip flops;
Old man: What’s going on here, some rock music or somethin’?
Crowd: Yeah, some bands are going to play.
Old man: What, like heavy metal or something?
Crowd: Mostly just pop-punk, the Ergs! can probably play some metal though.
Old man: Does it cost any money to get in?
Crowd: We think so, probably a few bucks.
Old man: Damn it… … Well, what if you’re a better guitar player than the bands playing, then can you get in for free?
Danny: NOT BLOODY LIKELY!
Needless to say, old man is not happy about hearing this.
There’s actually big tables to put the merch out tonight, so I finally put out copies of a zine I did (Quick back-story: I do a zine, and rushed to get a new issue done, to have copies to give away while on tour – which I proceeded to do, for about two nights altogether). A few people are interested, pick up copies, and start reading right next to me. I am nervous. Modern Machines go on first, and they throw in a Radio Birdman cover. I’m realizing just how diverse the sets have been so far, different songs and orders every night. It makes me that much more psyched to be able to be here for the week.
Next up is a band from south Jersey called Farcial Hoodwink. They’re not bad, sounding like they’ve graduated from the “Dillinger Four school of wise ass song titles”, with a little less distortion. Ergs! finish out the night, and I’ve decided that instead of saying “they were great”, I’m not going to point out the highlights of every night, like the kind of stuff that you don’t see at every single show. This time, it’s hearing some new songs from the next record that haven’t been played much yet (“Like Jazz It Teh New Coke” [sic]), as well as “Rod Argent”, a cover of “One Of My Lies”, and by the end Nato Paisano of the Modern Machines joins on vocals for “Everything Falls Apart”. Afterwards we stay with our friend Jackie O who is nice enough to put us up for the night, and we walk approximately 235 miles (each way) to the nearest diner before going to sleep.
Day 4: Charm City Arts Space, BaltimoreAs we get ready to leave for today’s drive, Joe gets a call and finds out that the CD copies of their newest record, Jerseys Best Prancers, will be arriving at his house tomorrow. We have managed to leave for tour just in time to miss picking up the new record. Hooray! From here on, I’ve never been to any of the places we’re going before, aside from bus stations in the middle of the night, which really doesn’t count anyway. I’ve also never been to Waffle House before, which we remedy on this trip.
We get to Baltimore early enough to go record shopping, at Reptilian, and Sound Exchange. All I buy is the Armalite record, but all three Ergs pretty much scour both, looking for pretty much anything they can find. I think more money is spent on records today then will be spent on gas the entire trip (and tomorrow’s show is at a record store, yeeesh). Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel run down as we walk around the city, and it’s only been about three days so far. I’m really wondering how these dudes (both Ergs! and Modern Machines) are able to do this so much, for so long. After killing some time (and in my case, subconsciously trying to rest) in a café (which for some reason, has guitars just lying around?), we finally head over to the show.
After load in, I walk with Mike and Jeff to a McDonalds to get a quick dinner. I haven’t eaten at a McDonalds in a really long time, and wasn’t all psyched to be eating there, but barring the circumstances I suck it up for now. From our table, I notice a store across the street that appears to sell (and please forgive me if I butcher any of this, for I am, in fact, uncultured swine) Middle Eastern women’s apparel, such as burkas, or the outfits that are meant to cover up the entire woman’s body. Said store also appears to be called something like “Modern Modesty”, and the whole thing makes me a little uncomfortable.
At the show, the first band tonight is local and called Active Sac. The good news is that I’ve been told by my traveling partners that they have a huge ALL influence. The bad news is that the bands are playing downstairs; meanwhile I’m watching the merch, which tonight, is upstairs. Bummer. Considering that we’re not exactly in a huge place, and I can still hear everything fine, AND read through some of the magazines they’ve got their (tons of old MRR, Razorcake, Punk Planet, you name it), I won’t complain. From what I can tell, Active Sac DO have quiet the ALL influence too them, and are pretty good (it’s harder to judge in a case like this though, when you’ve never actually heard the band before).
In between, I talk to a bunch of really nice people, more people pick up copies of my zine Button Masher as well. Someone even gave me a free can of Dr. Pop! The Modern Machines start playing, and I can tell that it’s a great set. Nato dedicates “Zero Kid” to “our lovely roadie Megan, and The Ergs!’s lovely roadie Joe!”, and I proceed to swoon. Ergs! finish out the night again, and tonight’s highlights include “Johnny Reznik Needs His Ass Kicked”, “Country Skronk”, “Vampire Party” (sung by Danny Zaj of the Modern Machines), a cover of “‘Ay Paisano!”, and “Ben Kweller”. While I was talking with the locals, there was one in particular who we got along with great over our love of video games. Turns out we end up staying at his house for tonight. Now, first we watch the Ultimate Warrior DVD, as well as the “SNL Best Of: Christopher Walken” collection, when Aaron, our host says “There’s a SuperNintendo upstairs, someone can play Mario Kart if they want”. So a few of us go upstairs, and proceed to find a WALL of Nintendo games. The dude has not one but MULTIPLE FAMICONS, as in the Japanese Nintendo systems! AND he’s got games for them! (mental note: I MUST GO TO THIS HOUSE AGAIN) I am freaking out. Even though I’m feeling pretty bad at this point, I stay up to compete in Bomberman 2 matches with Jeff, Nato and Danny before finally going to sleep way later than I should be. On the one hand, I physically feel terrible. But on the inside, I can’t believe I’m sitting around in Baltimore suburb, playing video games with two of my favorite bands.
Day 5: Chaz’s Bull City Records, Durham NC
Ouch, I’m starting to hurt today. I’m way stuffier, and my throat is sore too. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I actually drank. The travel arrangements are a little different today, Jeff and Nato are switching vans (there’s a possibility that the Modern Machines may stop in Washington DC on the way down, and Nato doesn’t want to risk getting into arguments with any senators). We stop at a Waffle House on the way down, and it’s here that we get the idea for a future prank (which I’ll cover once we get to it).
The way the tour goes, we’re driving all the way down to North Carolina today, so we can stop in Virginia on the way back home. Normally I don’t mind the drives, but today really sucks. My nose will not stop running, and we’re trying to save the last packet of tissues we have, so I pretty much either use my hands, or just let my nose run for about half an hour at a time. I’m feeling slightly better by the time we find Bull City Records, but just enough to buy some more records, and use about half of their supply of toilet paper to blow my nose. The cool part is that Bull City is a really great record store – it’s only a small place, but they’ve managed to arrange it so that there’s a LOT of stuff. And there are essentially three sections: CD’s, vinyl, and local/free stuff. Other than that, everything is organized alphabetically, no matter what the genre. This combined with the fact that the owner Chaz puts on shows officially makes this a worthy place to visit.
Of course, The Ergs! have friends nearby, so we go to visit them, but at the moment, I pretty much barely have any idea what’s going on. Oh well. By the time we come back, everyone else is there, as well as more locals hanging out. You know what would be awesome right now? Hanging out with The Modern Machines? Nope. Meeting some new people? Nope. Lying down on the couch in the back room? Sure. I pay attention to the beginning of the show, a local fellow who’s doing solo covers of old punk songs. Nice touch to start everything off. The next band is the Street Sharks, who are a thrash band, and I don’t want to be touched by anyone so I go back to lye down on the couch. However, I make it a point to run over to where all the equipment is being stored, (on the way I see Street Sharks – awesome thrash, but I made the right choice to avoid getting knocked over by anyone) before The Ergs! play.
Now, remember the prank mentioned before? Here’s the deal: Jeff Erg hates mayonnaise. HATES it. When we eat at Waffle House earlier today, our party happens to be presented with two packets of mayonnaise. It is decided that said packets are to be placed inside Jeff’s box of cords and other equipment without his knowledge, waiting for him until he opens it just before their set. Mike and I are waiting in anticipation. He picks it up. “Hey, what’s with my box…” He opens it.
“MAYONAISE.”
Wowee zowee, you’ve just been pranked! The look on his face – classic!
When they actually get ready to start, there’re some major problems with the PA. So in the meantime, they pull out about 10 minutes worth of jazz covers, the only specific one I catch is by Thelonious Monk. I still really don’t want anyone bumping into me, but I really want to watch their set tonight, so I stake out a little spot in the corner behind them. However, people aren’t moving around too much (despite a thrash heavy set), so I start to feel pretty stupid. At one point in the set, Jeff breaks a string mid song, manages to tell me mid song, and I’m able to run over and get another guitar by the end of the song. I feel somewhat important. Sick, but somewhat important.
Modern Machines go on next, and people seem to be really enjoying them, which is really cool. Not only do they pull the Descendents cover again, but with the relaxed feeling to the show, also throw in “Jealous Again”. People are cheering for a more songs, so they just do a bunch of covers, and everyone loves it. One kid is hanging from florescent light fixtures, trying to kick open the ceiling. I’m reminded of the David Cross bit, “Hey, you know what would be perfect right now? To fuck up the show for EVERYBODY!”There’s one more band, but I don’t feel good enough to pretend that I care anymore. I’m sitting on the floor, minding the merch. I sell a few odd shirts and CD’s to some people, including one younger fellow who’s really happy to have a show like this come to town. He reminds me of myself in high school, and it makes happy hearing someone like that they want to go start their own band and do other stuff now. At one point after the show, we’re driving to wherever it is we’re staying, and all I can think of is how bad I feel right now. I look out the window, and see people sleeping on the ground as bus stops, and realize that I’m riding along with punk bands, complaining about a cold. Now I just feel like a jerk. I realize it’s really not so bad all things considered, I just wish I was feeling better to hang out with everyone since this is only for a week.Day 6: Bartley’s House, Charlottesville VA
I’m starting to feel better today, after waking up in a living room on a pile of mattress cushions amongst another pile of tissues. I pretty much just stand around before we leave, but not before I watch in horror as Joe eats cold leftover chicken for breakfast. Then again, we stop at a Wendy’s for a quick lunch (technically breakfast, in my case), and he’s also the one who orders the “Carolina burger”, which has something that looks like chili, cole slaw, and who knows what else on it. I’m still a little out of it, but I’m still really enjoying all of this.
It’s a decent drive to today’s show, which was originally supposed to be in Richmond, but it fell through. Picking up the slack is a Mr. Bartley, of the Stabones, who put on a barbeque so we could play there. It’s a fairly early show, so we’re doing everything we can to make it over in time. Sometime along the way, we finally get in touch with the Modern Machines, for a conversation that goes a little something like this:
Modern Machines: Hey guys what’s up?
Ergs: Nothing really, we just wanted to see how you were doing, and if you think you’ll be ok getting on the show, since it’s early.
Modern Machines: Early? How early?
Ergs: Four…
Modern Machines: Uh oh….
Ergs: Why, where are you now?
Modern Machines: Durham.
So we get to the show, and are greeted by our host. Mike and I (and someone else, who I think was one of the Pink Razors) walk down to a convenience store to get some sodas, where they also sell pickled pigs feet, and crack pipes. We come back and The Ergs! start their set shortly afterwards. There’d been talk of having to do a karaoke set, since Mike’s been losing his voice, but everything’s just fine. The tour is almost over, so I’m just standing there, watching the last sets of the week. Best of all, I’m actually feeling a lot better, as if the show is help curing everything. “Sinuses clearing! Sore throat disappearing! Acne – still there. But sore throat disappearing!”
There’s a decent amount of people hanging out for a basement show/back yard party, and I’d try to talk to people but I still feel a little run down, so I stick to watching bands. Pink Razors are next, the best descriptions I’ve heard of them involve Screeching Weasel and Dillinger Four, and considering there was a cover of What We Hate, I think it’s a fair assessment. Shortly after starting, the Modern Machines finally arrive, just in time to catch the bulk of the set. There’s another band on in between, but we all pretty much hang out in the backyard. Danny is writing out set lists, and is nice enough to take my request for Unequipped. I’m all excited for their set, but a weird excited. On the one hand, it’s another time I get to see the Modern Machines, but on the other, tour is pretty much over after this, which is kind of a bummer. But screw that, as long as I don’t fall into the unexplainable hole that I’m standing next to in this crowded basement, I’m enjoying this as much as possible.
It’s starting to get a bit late by now, and unfortunately, we need to hit the road. It sucks that we have to miss our host’s band, The Stabones, but we figure if we don’t start out six hour drive home now, we’ll never start it. We say our goodbyes, and discounting a stop at Waffle House for a celebratory dinner (where it turns out they actually didn’t lose money on this tour! Hooray!), we head home. It may not seem like it’s that hard just to ride back home, but it’s tougher than you’d think. I start to pass out at times, and hallucinate, thoroughly convinced that Mike is a box of tissues. By the time we get back, drop off everyone else and make it back to Joe’s house, it’s after 4 AM. I’m getting my stuff out of the van, and before I can even finish he’s already inside. Right as I’m about to walk in, I hear him say “They’re here”, as we decide to put off sleep for a few more minutes to open the first boxes of Jerseys Best Prancers on CD. We take a copy out, admiring how great it looks, when Joe hands it to me. “Here’s for a good job roadie!”
All in all, tour was pretty awesome. And I get paid for it, in the form of an awesome record.
Tour was awesome.
On the way home.
It’s weird, there was a fair amount of time towards the end of the week where I really wanted to be back at home. Yet, I’m on a train back home, haven’t not been able to shower in days (helps you get a seat to yourself, that’s for sure), and now I’m just depressed that there’s no show tonight. I’ve said it more than enough, but tour was great. It may be over, but having practically lived in a van and out of a backpack for a few days, you get a new perspective on things. It sucks to be back in a town with nothing to do, but it’s nice to be sleeping in a bed tonight. If nothing else, I may not be coming home to much, but for a few days I had the greatest job in the world.
Thanks to everyone who put on the shows, gave us a place to sleep, and came out, said hello, and helped make crazy stuff like this possible.
(Originally published at Jerseybeat.com)
1 comments:
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